"30 Days Of Night" Moive Review

** excessive use of the word Poo may occour.
This is something that I hope to do quite a bit more of. I love movies and all things film related.
Hopefully you will be inspired to go and see something I recommend or avoid wasting your time on something crap, anyway here goes.

30 Days of Night, is a movie based on a graphic novel (aka Comic book) written by Perth born Ben Templesmith. The movie to be short , is crap. There is some good suspense and a little on the horror side of things. However that is where the redeeming elements end.

Now I am not the best person to see a horror flick, mainly because I like, nay, Demand , that logic be present and accounted for. I have no problems with the idea of vampire, nosferatue, santa or Jesus. But if you spend 30 minutes setting up a world of characters and rules then for Gods sake, stick to them!!

For those of you that want to know more about the film or the story there are plenty of places you can find out, but I dare say that this is the only place where you can read about the plot holes and the naffness. So if you want to see this movie beware SPOILER AHEAD, and I mean a big one!

ok here goes.
1. How does someone destroy all the mobile phones, faxes, telephones, cable, internet, and radios all in one day, and no one but two cops notice?
2.Vampires are allowed to speak english , its been done before, having them cry and moan in some strange language, then making me read subtitles, is stooopid
3. If you tell the audience that there are 128 people in the town at the start of the movie, you cant show 200 people getting killed, find a calculator.
4. Vampires on a murderous rage that kill 195 people on the first night, dont have another 70 people to kill in the next 30 days. Where are all these extra victims coming from? Are they being air dropped in?
5. Why cant vampires, with their extra smell, strength and whot not, find 12 people that are hiding in a well hidden attic?
6. How come in 30 days, no one poos, eats, or drinks?
7.Why do you spend 29.9 days fighting vampires only to make yourself become one in the lasst 0.1 of a day? Is it to rescue the girl hiding under the truck? She's been hiding there for a month another 20 minutes would be ok.
8. Why AFTER condemning yourself to death, does your old flame reveal to you that she still loves you, talk about bad timing!
9. Melissa George, a fire marshal, in Alaska?? What the hell is a fire marshal anyway, do they marshal the fire towards the water?
10. What possible reason did the 10 surviving people think that they needed to move to the other end of town, on the last day before the sun cam back? You have been in the Attic ( without pooping or eating), for a month, don't go running all the way over the vampire invested town on the last day, just to make sure you are safe!

So there you go, now you don't need to see it. If you still have the urge you can always get some home made popcorn lock yourself in a wardrobe and see how long you can last with out pooping!

If you would like to see a real review of this film you can head here instead

Tales of a Mustachio Man

Well the highly awaited second post has arrived. Fittingly it has appeared in November, OR if you like your looks shifty and your women at arms length, Movember.

Insofar as silly ideas go, this one is a gem, for a whole month you can attempt to grow the most heinous of fashion mistakes, and be seen as a nice guy while doing it. I am currently on day 10 (having given myself 1 day head start in October) and the little fella is coming along nicely. Is it wrong to name a mustache? Either way its too late. I have named him and as in all good fantasy books, once you name something you give it life.

Meet Brian, or to those more comfortable with titles of airs and graces he can be referred to as
"The Od'e to Hulk Hogan" either is fine by me.

Not being one that had sported the "Handle Bar" before it came as a little shock to find that, just like people who wear hot pink shorts or talking to themselves on a train, society will shun you based solely on your appearance!

So after a week of being under the glass ceiling of society here are some handy little tips to help my hairy brother or sisters.

1) If you notice a waitress is giving you more than your fair share of looks from across the room, it is not because she likes you, she is just waiting to call the cops.

2) Smile, this will either put people at ease or unsettle them, either way you win.

3) Childrens playgrounds - Dont.

4) Do not walk directly towards the following - Old ladies, children, cute women waiting for a cab, your reflection

5) While stroking your Mo' (and you will, a lot) make sure you are not leaning against anything. I'm not sure what this image impresses onto the general public, but I could feel a lynch mob forming

6) In direct contrast to #5 , stroking you Mo' whilst holding a cat is a great crowd pleaser. Go figure?

7) The staff of a toy shop (or any boutique) will make it pretty clear that a 6"1' 100Kg man with a Mo' is not welcome.

8) don't expect to be kissed and/or pick up ( for those of you in a RPG frame of mind, add -57 from you "Collared shirt of attraction"

9) I don't know how Tom Selek did it, but it is bloody hard to get either side of the Mo' to be identical

10) If urgent defense of the Mo' (and the owner) is needed, say these words:
" I'm going for the pseudo gay trucker look" The best defense is always a good offence.

May the tash' be with you.

There Is No Nice Way To Say This....

This being my first ever all time blog, I will need to get somethings out of the way. Let me set you an example.

Have you ever been at a party or a dinner/drinks and everything is going swimmingly. The cuteish chick in the corner has just joined your conversational circle, and the night seems to be heading in what some may term as "the right direction".
Then and only then, the smart arse to your left , response to a comment all too quickly. So quickly in fact, that you know that it has gone straight from the brain to the mouth and bypassed the official "Check what you are about to say , before saying it" organ (aka, measure twice, cut once). Political Correctness is thrown out the window. Half the group laugh, the other half stare blankly. The room chooses that moment to fall into a lull of silence & the cute girl wavers, slaps the commenter, then failing the appearance of a white knight, flees.

Typically thats me. Now I know you are thinking , "well he must be the chap, that the cute(ish) girl is talking to" I know you are thinking that, and your dead wrong. I am the one slightly to the left with a fading pink hand print on his cheek, and sheepish look.

So this blog is to be a safe and slap free way of me venting and/or ranting. I generally have 5 things to rant about a day, but my safety catch ( commonly know as " lazy arsedness" ) will prevent me blogging with any kind efficiency.

So keep an eye out for my future blogs, or not. I hope you enjoy reading my rants and other random thoughts that I may have, and if not, then get bent.